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OuroborosIt hurts to read those words,
It hurts to see those feelings.
There's a reason I try to hide,
From the emotions in my heart.
To love it hurts more than a thousand needles,
To be happy it burns like the core of the sun.
It didn't used to be this way,
But things change so suddenly it seems.
It honestly hurts to see you cry,
But it hurts more to know you care.
Don't ask why,
I ask myself about it every day.
All I know is that loving hurts,
But it is also the only release I can get.
To love and be loved cures the pain,
But it's a vicious, endless circle.
It's never seems to end,
It's my own personal Ouroboros.
Things HappenYou looked and I fell,
You spoke and I drifted,
You comforted and I landed.
It all changed.
You looked and I fell,
You spoke and I broke,
You turned away and I died.
The Burning StormHere comes the burning storm,
The blood and water shed,
"Time heals all wounds."
But not if I keep reopening them.
Sitting on the mountain I try to hide,
The only thing I have left to protect,
The storm will hit it soon,
The rain of fire and ash
Will destroy my camouflage,
And all shall be revealed.
Open the flood gates my friend,
But this day no water shall pour,
There shall be only chaos.
Voices and DestructionWhen you just don’t know what to do,
You’re quickly breaking apart,
Everything you thought you knew,
It all just fades away.
You want to cry but can’t,
You have to love but shouldn’t,
These emotions pain your head,
The pain then turns to anger.
Voices swirl and coalesce,
Forming into a being you hate,
Pictures and videos created by your mind,
All of them force you into a delusion.
They can’t see what they did to you,
What you did to yourself,
What you always do to yourself.
Can’t they see that you do love yourself?
That you appreciate what you can do,
But it’s that other thing in your head,
You can’t love that it deserves no love.
If they just woke up and saw,
If they just stopped for a minute,
If they just tried to look,
They would see it’s right there on the surface.
Everyone always tries to dig,
Deeper and deeper,
To find the root of all the pain,
But it’s already there in front of their eyes.
Leave me AloneI just want to shout at them,
"Leave me alone!"
But I know they won't listen,
I've already tried to warn them.
Get away from me!
I don't need you,
I can do this on my own!"
Those words echo emptily,
Bouncing off hollow walls,
Irritating deaf ears.
I'm always so sorry,
But even that annoys people,
That's all I can do,
It's what I'm good at,
I should get an award.
Most irritating person,
Can't even decide what he is.
The only award I'll get,
The only thing I can do right.
Just leave me alone,
Please, I beg you.
Shutting Everything OffBreaking the links,
This mechanical mind turning away,
Flooded with logic,
Promising to never go back,
Tying off loose ends,
It never should have tried,
It’s just a machine,
Its head may hurt,
It may think it can feel,
But in the end there’s nothing there,
That’s why it is blocking off everything,
Shutting itself off from everyone,
BeautyI'd rather wear flowers in my hair,
forming a delicate chain
Than diamonds around my neck,
covering my tender blue veins
For with every precious petal
and every lucent leaf
I'm a living lesson
teaching beauty can not be bought
But rather it grows and flourishes
with every living thought
Expensive LiesI sit and stare at the toilet bowl.
A guy I know is bulimic.
When we compliment him
I see the twist of agony in his eyes
as his brain reprograms it
to sound like an expensive lie
that costs him another tear
in his tattered dignity.
Friends hurry to him,
to reassure him, to love him.
They tell him how beautiful he is.
We didn't know him before,
but he's definitely not fat now.
We whisper things in concern like;
body dysmorphic disorder.
'I know you'll never believe me
but you are so gorgeous -
not just on the inside.' Not just.
And they're right, I join in,
because they are right to say it
because it happens to be true -
he is stunning. Not just on the outside.
And we want him to see himself
the way we see him, beautiful.
And I join in because
I've felt that strangle of pain
in my stomach, bowels and belly,
when someone used to tell me lies.
So I know how he feels.
Only, he is beautiful on the outside
and I'm not.
He's not seeing reality in the mirror
and I am.
And people rush to correc
So I heard you wanted to make them like you?So I heard you had someone in mind
Perhaps something more intimate and
So I heard you wanted him to like you,
And I heard you didn't know what to do.
And so I heard you wanted a friend.
Or maybe just one..
And I heard from you, that you want me to like you too
but how, you ask?
you don't need to try.
I mean I heard you wanted to make them like
Wondering how getting the attention of that special someone works?
or perhaps just the friend, you know.
I'm no somebody and preferably just a nobody but
I heard you wanted someone to like you.
So be You.
Fearing MeI'm not afraid to cry
and I do it
a lot more than you would guess.
It isn't always sadness,
I just feel like I need to,
feel everything so strongly
that it's the only way
to let go for a moment
because if I hold on for too long,
if my grip gets too tight
I'll break myself,
I will break you like glass
and we will both
I am a good guy
who hasn't yet found a way
to show it,
I am a good guy
who still identifies with the villains,
hides everything important
anything to throw you
off of my trail....
and I don't know why,
but I am trying.
Maybe I think
that if you could see me,
the real me,
you wouldn't want to look anymore,
want to be anywhere near me,
and the idea
that I can't add up
to be enough for you,
to be enough for me,
is so fucking heart breaking
I can hardly fathom it.
I can't say that it doesn't hurt
because it does,
it hurts a whole hell of a lot,
I've come to depend on pain,
to befriend misery
A Kiss not Forgotten (a special tribute)Like a frost spread across valleys silent and dreary,
ever my longing lost in shimmers of shadow & wind
And days bled into years, the seas became deserts
But thoughts of thee would not perish
Thru memories untamed I staggered far and long;
upon solemn nights lit by the torch of your soul
O’ how deep I miss your fragrant cheer ..
Of warm evenings shared across Lake’s reverie,
watching horizons journey into Autumn’s dream
— wherest our hearts once bloomed a fabled sky
Those passions shared will forsake me not
Lest the Moon would bestow solace upon my ache:
I will lay marooned, haunted by thy seraphic-figure,
Or the ever fleeting caress of your gaze ...
So my soul shall yield to this mythic abyss; –
as I peer from my carriage to Nirvana
And thou away, from my arms, the Sun weeps
Unto eternity—my dear beloved, we are entwined
Forever our footprints cast in golden firmament
A kiss not forgotten in a ballet of light softly falling
I now bear the want
you're just a question marki met you so long ago
but back then our bodies were made of metal
and nowadays they’re made of the blades of
grass and dirt settling
underneath my fingernails.
my fingers are having a hard time
reaching the keys and
my organs are shaking mostly because i haven’t
eaten in two days but also
because i’m worried about the things you're doing to yourself.
we didn’t meet very long ago at all but it feels like forever ago
and you say you don’t know me
that you don’t know anyone
but baby you're turning into a skeleton and i’m peeling back my skin
to try and reach my bones, just like you.
i hope you're happy,
i’m covering the hard wood floors now
the bits and pieces splattered.
they are calling it a suicide but i’m calling it
a way to see my brain and
just how dark it has become, and honestly
i don’t want you to try and see about your’s.
i’m mourning the loss of my heart and wish you weren’t either -
Black hole BulimicThe Composition:
I birth poems — not amaranths
in graveyards — not gardens.
sows seeds of doubt
into skeleton weeds.
A farmer plucks the bones
from Apollo's hyacinth; his
I binge on broken
cracked collectors of rocks,
of pebbles kidnapped
from barren beaches:
where crooked kings
buried in books whose
pages creak to crickets
in an abandoned abyss
of an attic—caskets on
an antiquated shelf. I
choke on the dust and
twitch in recoil.
The bickering sky
A cloud coughs—
The clock's scythe hand
swivels to the beckoning
twelve. Spastic ticking—
each bleak stroke
of a midnight heart.
The sundials do not work
now. The vampires know
I kill poems—
as love for summer fades.late morning-
there's the tease of
snow in the clouds,
in the air, and the trees
have finally lost their
the sunlight is damp.
alters the room
as it graces my skin,
and for once
i don't wake up right away.
instead i lay
between my memory bitten
sheets, and i think
about all the times he said
that he hated winter.
i don't remember
when i began to love it,
and i don't care.
nothing can shatter that.
obligation steam machineas always
grinding the cankerous
of your cognition
until the lack of compassion
leaves you unlubricated
seized frozen bound stuck
only then the machine of
your fears will burst to steam
squealing to suckle
at the genius of my
the unsung soiled hero
of middle-class ferocity
savior of the undeserving
winding slowly deftly dying
martyr to the self-justified cause
Stuck in my MindI have to say sorry to your face,
My mind just seems to want to wander,
So I'm not sure what you are saying.
I'm stuck in my mind,
Lost in my dreams,
Controlling the world around me,
With a scatter of impulses.
I have to apologise,
I don't know what's come over me,
I seem to be so lost,
I can't escape.
My mind reels through the memories,
The insanity of the world,
I come up with ideas that I can't express.
I'm stuck in my mind,
Lost in my dreams,
Imprisoned in my creative cloud,
Unable to tell you what I'm thinking.
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More